The New Generation
Danny, A Gay Guy, Talks About Coming Out and Being Best Friends
with a Straight Guy.
By Danny Carlin

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE who come into my life and leave without a trace, and then there are those who stay for an eternity. My best friend Mike is one of those. It's been about five years now that Mike and I have been best friends. Every day that goes by becomes a new experience with him as well as a new memory.

When I first met Mike, I was still in the closet, but according to him, he always knew. I remember coming out to Mike. We were in my car, driving home from a party. I remember wanting to tell him, but at the same time, I was afraid of his reaction. I thought to myself, “What will he think? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me, anymore?” Although we had been friends for about a year and a half, I still didn’t feel that he would totally accept me. I had heard some gay slurs coming from him before, and even though it was never to the extent where I felt he would hate the fact that I was gay, it still made me uncomfortable.

But this night was different. I finally got the courage to speak. I briefly took my eyes off the road, looked at him, and asked him what he thought about gay people. He looked at me and smiled.

He then asked, “Why do you ask that for?” After I saw him smile, it made me feel comfortable, and I didn’t feel afraid, anymore.

I replied, “I don’t know. It’s just a question.”

He sat in silence for about twenty seconds. He then lowered the radio and said to me, “Danny, are you trying to tell me something?”

I blurted out, “Yeah. I’m gay!”

I couldn’t believe I had just said that. It was out, and all I could do was wait for his reaction.

He looked at me and said, “You’re kidding, right?”

I laughed and told him, “No, I really am gay!”

I pulled the car over to the side, looked at him, and told him again, “Mike, I’m gay.”

He smiled again, gave me a big hug, and told me in my ear, in one of those comedic tones, “And you’re telling me this cuz...?”

At that point, I knew everything was okay. I looked at him and laughed—and we both talked about it the rest of the way home. I told him about experiences I had, and he asked me the usual questions like, “How do you know?” “When did you realize this?” and then he even got the nerve to ask me, “Are you a virgin?”

We both laughed about it, and then he claimed that he kind of knew about me the whole time. I was glad to see his positive reaction and that it really wasn’t a big deal. He totally accepted me for who I was.

Today, Mike and I have remained best friends. I take him with me to gay pride festivals as well as to gay clubs. Unlike most of my other straight acquaintances, Mike is not afraid to go anywhere with me. He is totally comfortable around gay people and has no problem with me or any of my gay friends.

Some of my other straight friends tell me, “I don’t care if you’re gay as long as you don’t bring it around me.” Mike, on the other hand, doesn’t mind at all. He has always been there for me. We talk about everything from his girl problems to my guy problems. He comes to me for advice, and I always do the same for him. If there is one thing I know, it’s that Mike will always have my back—no matter what.

I recall one time we went to a straight club and Mike and I were dancing together. It seemed as if everyone was staring at us, but we didn’t care. We just kept going.

One guy walked right by us and said, “I hate faggots.” Almost immediately, Mike jumped at him and said, “What did you say?” Mike was so mad that I had to pull him back. I told him to relax because I didn’t want to get kicked out of the club. He then told me, “He’d better not disrespect you like that again.”

If there is one thing I know, it’s that Mike gives me a lot of respect. He gets mad when others talk bad about gay people—I think he even takes personal offense to it.

It’s funny sometimes because when we go out, people think we’re together. When we go to gay clubs, I’m always dancing with him or hugging him so I guess they assume. The cool thing is he doesn’t mind. He has never had a problem with me hugging him or dancing with him. Of course, many straight guys would feel uncomfortable around gay guys, but Mike is totally cool around me.

I’m sure I speak for a lot of gay people when I say that it’s not easy being “different.” Of course, not everyone accepts me for who I am. There have been a few people who stopped talking to me when they found out about me. Mike, however, has supported me and has been there for me through thick and thin.

We always talk about going to each other’s weddings. He wants me to be his best man, and I jokingly tell him I would, but only if he lets me go in a dress. He smiles and says, “As long as it’s not too short.”

It’s funny how we can sit and laugh about things, and how, if anything, we’ve gotten even closer since I told him I was gay. I guess him seeing me be open with myself has made it easier for him to see life without any hangups. Have I ever thought of Mike as more than a friend? Actually, I never have. It’s like we’re brothers so I don’t see him that way. I’m just really appreciative to have someone like him in my life. Thanks, Mike, for being the greatest friend I could ever ask for.