I'm getting ready to go out
on a date! But you know what, lately, my men have been standing
me up for some strange reason. Probably because when I get PMS,
I treat my men like crap! But no matter how I feel, La Chicharona
will always be here for you...to tell you what's in the starry
||ARIES (March 21-April 19)
How can you think about going out with your best friend's ex?
I know they broke up months ago, but that doesn't mean you should
betray your friendship and end up with the guy! Boyfriends come
and go, but a true friendship lasts a lifetime so control your
animal instincts and show your friend what it means to have you
as a friend-not a backstabber!
||TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
One penny! Two
pennies! Three pennies! Stop counting your coins! That's such
a waste of time. Instead, think big and start counting dollars!
If you think big, that's what you will become! So get on the
right track to success and become a chulo everyone can be proud
||GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Don't be so shallow!
When you're at a club and you see your ex from a distance, why
do you suddenly liven up, laugh a lot, and then start flirting
with one of your friends. It's as if you want your ex to think
you're having such a blast, and that you have no regrets about
dumping his ass! But that's not how you feel inside! Chico, when
he's not around, you know you miss him. So let him know!
||CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Damn! Your boyfriend
caught you looking at another guy at the gym, and he is mad!
But you couldn't help it! He was a fine Latino guy, and if your
eyes could talk, you would have slept with him by now...so what
should you do? Break up with your jealous partner, and go for
that guy, or at least, see what it's like to be free! Don't let
Big Brother control your every move! Get rid of him and take
control of your life. In the end, you'll feel, for once, like
an independent woman-I mean man!
||LEO (July 23-Aug. 23)
a bit angry these last couple of days. Is it that time of the
month again? If so, then get over yourself because you have nothing
to be mad about. You've got a good job, a nice car, a great boyfriend,
a good body, and a healthy mind! Damn, stop being a bitch!
||VIRGO (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Hey chulo, when
you do a good job and some gives you a compliment, take it! You
deserve it! The excellent job you've done in making people feel
good is something you should feel proud of! It's something that
will push you to the top of your career...so go for the gusto,
keep climbing that ladder, and keep that special vibe alive 'n
||LIBRA (Sept. 24-oct. 22)
You've been a
loud flamer these days so shut up and listen to what others have
to say! Pay attention to their words because you have a way of
twisting them around and creating a new story! If a friend says,
"Let's go get something to eat!" he didn't say, "I'm
paying for it, too."
||SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Get out of the
house now! Go see a movie, or do something else! And remember...NOT
BY YOURSELF! You owe it to yourself to meet people and make some
friends! Thus, get out of the cave and starting smelling the
roses! Believe me, you'll be happier when you're back out in
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Baby, even though your personal life is going great, don't neglect
your professional life! Remember, work is 9 to 5, then afterwards
it's time to play! Got it? I know this work schedule is new to
you, but you owe, you owe, so off to work you must go! So apply
yourself wholeheartedly to your career because you have everything
it takes to be a success...a Latino Bill Gates!
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
buddy, your man is not good enough for you so dump his ass! He's
a liar, a player, someone who doesn't know how to treat a man,
etc. Ohh wait! That's you! I got the words mixed up! So then-what
the HELL is up with you? Change your behavior and treat your
man right! He's been there for you, and it's sad to see that
you're not there for him! So do something nice for a change and
give him some luv.
||AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
So you've been
invited to one of your friend's QV weddings! Well, get your
tux ready and go to the ceremony! It will be nice to see you
there! Maybe the wedding could teach you a thing or two. You
know, you being someone who's been around, it'd be nice to see
you finally learn the meaning of monogamy!
||PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
How many times
do I have to tell you not to get involved with a co-worker. Sure,
he's cute, has a fade, moustache, goatee, dresses nicely...and
looks sooooo fine, especially with a suit and tie on, but he's
your boss and it's not worth it! Just ask yourself what's going
to happen if you two break up? You'll be kissing his ass-and