What
Is A Real Man?
 Just
about everyone has a preconceived notion about "what
a real man is," and what it takes to be that "real
man." In the straight community, whether one agrees
or not, it might be a guy who is tough, flirts with all
the girls, one who is proud to be a casanova, and doesn't
show any emotions. So then, in the gay community, what
is our definition of a real man? Here's what you told
us:
"To be a real man means you have to act the opposite
of a real woman!" -20
years old, San Diego, CA
"A
real man has a heart." -18
years old, Diamond Bar, CA
"A
real man is someone who is comfortable with his own sexuality
regardless of whether he is gay, bi, or straight."
-31
years old, Fort Worth, TX
"It
takes a real man to cry and to come out of the closet.
Gay men are real men because of what we go through. It's
not easy for us." -17 years old, Calexico, CA
"Through
out my life, I have met gay men who say they are 'real
men' because they play out the masculine role. But to
me, a real man is one who is not afraid to feel and love,
one who is comfortable with who he is, not trying to be
what he is supposed to be. Someone who is responsible
and dependable and not afraid to stand up for what he
cares for the most." -25
years old, San Francisco, CA
"I
think to be a 'real man' you need a penis and that's it
(lol)! You can't base your gender on your thoughts, what
you believe in, or how butch you are."
-22 years old, Los Angeles, CA
"A
real man is whatever you feel like. Are you male? Are
you human? Then you are a real man." -17
years old, Houston, TX
"A
real man is a state of mind. You can be the most macho
studly jock on the block, and still be a jerk. I've met
effeminate gay guys who were more of a man than the macho
types." -50
years old, Palm Springs, CA
"To
be a real man means you should treat the person you're
with like a real person and to be able to take care of
yourself." -17 years old, Arvada, CO
"It
doesn't matter if a man is masculine or feminine. To be
a real man means you have to be in touch with yourself,
know who you are, and be vulnerable." -39 years old, Dallas, TX
"A
real man is someone who can withstand the emotional stresses
of life, but at the same time, he can be gentle, understanding,
compassionate, and romantic when the time comes for it."
-21
years old, Los Angeles, CA
"A
real man means being the dominant role in society."
-24
years old, Philadelphia, PA
"A
real man is a person who is loving, caring, and most of
all, respectful! Many times, men forget about respect,
which is the basis of any relationship-whether romantic,
friendly, or sexual."
-20 years old, El Monte, CA
"A
real man is someone who is assured of himself and takes
responsibility for himself. He has control of his life
and knows how to depend on himself. Also, he doesn't deny
himself happiness and doesn't reject his hidden emotions-that's
what it is to be un hombre!" -21 years old, Bronx, NY
"A
real man is someone who takes responsibility for his actions-whether
good or bad." -41
years old, Jersey City, NJ
"To
be a real man does not mean you have to be masculine.
A real man means being honest, caring, and most importantly,
responsible. There are many gay people who get married
to women and live a lie. They are not man enough to be
themselves and stop lying." -22 years old, New York, NY
"To
be a real man, you must be confident and happy with who
you are as a whole person. Your sexuality is just one
aspect of a multi-faceted whole. Beyond sexuality, there
lies a soul that must be pure. If you are honest with
who you are, honest with the one that you love, and honest
with the world and He who created it and you, then what
else is there to worry about?"
-28 years old, San Antonio, TX
"A
real man isn't afraid to take risks. Real men never use
violence as a solution and always want to make others
feel at ease around them." -22 years old, Pasadena, CA
"A
real man is someone who is true to himself, and doesn't
pretend to be something he is not-like pretending to be
straight when he's gay." -35 years old, New York, NY
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